♥ WONDERLAND

things that irritate me

2009-06-12T05:22:00.000-07:00

1. the effing hot and HUMID weather. man, I miss Japan.
2. the telephone ringing. I wanna just SLAM the phone down and disconnect it for, like, ever.
3. how my dad just goes into my room without knocking. it happened while I was recording.
4. my big thighs that will never go back to being small unless I'm willing to get Amenorrhea again.
5. how I can't read notes or write notes well. do I really SUCK that much?!
6. my dad. again. for not even being able to teach me how to read notes.
7. my crappy Japanese. gahd, I can't even understand what they're talking about on the news.
8. my hair. it just won't go straight.
9. my thighs.
10. my thighs.
11. Multiply's crappy new look that won't even let me POST.
12. my stupid whiny-toddler attitude whenever things don't go right.
13. my pathetic ranting on my blog about things that irritate me.
14. surrounding myself with people who aren't very good at certain things, make me feel like I'm great, and how I actually BELIEVE them,
15. my short-term-happiness goals.
16. my impulse buying.
17. my inability to calm myself down.
18. being too thankful for what I already have - and thinking there's no more room for improvement.
19. not being thankful for what I already have
20. how I haven't been able to compose or draw anything in a long while.
21. people who say sorry even if it isn't their fault.
22. people who are judgemental.
23. how people stare and laugh at me whenever I go to the mall with my happy happy Japanese wannabe outfit.
24. Wapanese people - otaku who think they're so great at Japanese and boast about it at those stupid anime conventions.
25. my overly-nice attitude.
26. me. myself. and I.
27. how my face isn't quite as thin as it was when I was sick.
28. people who tell me to avoid eating rice whenever I bravely tell them my weight loss-gain adventure.
29. people who think because I gained weight, I'm fat. people, I was SICK when I looked androgynous. and I didn't even gain that much weight.
30. people who compare me to my dad - no, I don't understand his music. I respect it, but there's no way I'm composing something like that.
31. THIS WHOLE DAMN POST.

F***. F***. F*********.

weight update

2009-03-20T04:17:00.000-07:00

still stuck at 45 Kg.

for some reason, the 1 1/2 cups-of-rice and double portions of food thingy didn't work.

so the nutritionist is now making me eat 2 cups of rice per meal.

there's this little part of me that has doubts about her (I mean, she thinks deep-fried food is OK and whenever I say stuff like, "I ate a grilled chicken breast" she would suggest a different - not only fatty but UNHEALTHY and cholesterol-filled part and make it FRIED - which I don't find appetizing at all). I was thinking I would still eat healthy but eat more portions. I mean, I dunno if it's psychological or what, but somehow, most unhealthy food doesn't appeal to me (except for cheese-blasted italian food or sweets, like cake and cookies and other stuff). I especially don't like Filipino food (except for the kakanin and taho!). I may not be normal but I'm happy to be special.

And my mom doesn't help, either. She interrupted the doctor to ask why we need to count calories when she was raised normally and yet she's still alive today. Ughhhhhhh. I wanted to bury my face in shame. I can't wait for April 3 - they day I'm going to Tokyo, where I'll be living with my DAD.

Help? Please?

pakshet

2009-03-20T03:56:00.000-07:00

Papa just left for Tokyo a few hours ago.
I'm currently with my uncle now, but my MOM is coming on Sunday.

Shit.

She's becoming more bitchy than usual these days.

Maybe it's 'coz she FINALLY realized we have no intention of letting her back into our family - even though she's still welcomed in the house?

I dunno.

read this post for more details.

evolution through pictures

2009-03-15T02:15:00.000-07:00

yeah, I need a break from all the stress from the culmi, so . . I'll be tackling former Morning Musume member Hitomi Yoshizawa's "evolution" through the years through pictures!

at first - it was naturally pretty Yossie. She was only 14 at the time so they chose the no-makeup look.

yeah. she's gone through some transformations, and this is probably the most extreme - I think mostly because they tried the "double eyelid" trick on her - which made her look cute - but I don't think it suited her boyish image.

there are the in-between ones..

then the makeup artists finally woke up from their happy happy dreams and, with some mascara and eyeliner, made her look more Japanese again. Behold, the current Yossie:

scared. very scared.

2009-03-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

I watched "Extreme" last night on the Lifestyle Network.

FYI, it's about celebrities who go through the extremes and lose/gain a LOT of weight - and it's a cycle to them - also known as the yoyo diet.

And when they described how the celebrities try to lose weight by severely restricting food, I couldn't help but remember my days in Malaysia.

Okay, okay, I'm trying to gain, and I've learned a lot, but there's still this tiny voice in my head saying:

"Never mind your health. People will love you as long as you're thin!"

I've been trying to be optimistic about my health.

But whenever I see a new speck of fat - even the tiniest, I just feel really SAD.

I'm like, why do I have to be fat to be healthy?!

How come other people are so naturally thin and yet they're still healthy?!

I was born chubby, does that mean I have to stay chubby to live?!

-sigh-

Needless to say, I feel like crap today.

teachers can be stupid, too

2009-03-12T02:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, really. This is the last straw.

Let us call this mystery teacher Evil Teddy Bear.

Anyway, we were having a normal English class - only half the class is listening, I'm participating in the recitation and being veeeery expressive, and Ma'am Chynah has her usual poker face on. Nothing too different - except we were talking about women's rights.

The question was something like this: if the woman flirts with the man then gets raped, is it the woman's fault?

Of course, the answer is no, but since some of the boys were, um, not so familiar with what the official definition of rape really is, they answered: yes.

Uh-huh. Then the groupwork came, yada yada, and then we were asked to sit back down. This was where Evil Teddy Bear came in and told us about how our section was really stupid when it came to values, blah blah, then she told us to think with our common sense. All of us.

To ETD: YOU think.

Those were the boys' reactions, and I'm pretty sure that's only because they don't know what rape really means. And not even all of the boys answered yes - only like, 2 or 3, and Dan was one of them, and he's a loser. Anyway, why was she blaming the whole damn section?!

I wanted to strangle her. Why was she generalizing us?! I never liked ETD, but it was never really like I couldn't stand her, unlike now. I swear. And Ma'am Chynah even told us that we're a section, so one person's opinion is the opinion of all. I was like, WTF?! Is that how it goes?! I definitely didn't agree with what Dan said.

You know what? I hate the conservative Filipino way of thinking teachers are always right. Because sometimes the student can have more brain cells - or just plain common sense.

To miss ETD, you suck. Big time.

[note: I'm NOT mad at Ma'am Chynah. I think she has a point. But I have yet to forgive ETD.]

stress

2009-03-11T04:23:00.000-07:00

First of all, I was instructed by a doctor to gain weight. And I know it seems freaky, but after all that's happened to me so far, I'm desperate to get my period back.

Anyway, it's culminating season again. And yours truly has been voted as the musical director.

It seems like an honor and all, but it's actually sort of a curse.

GAAAAAAAH - that's all I can say.

I mean, I love it when my ideas are the ones that push through.
And my classmates have been amazing (most of them, anyway).
But I'm really, really stressed out.

While most of my classmates have been loyal and dedicated (especially the musicians), some of them are really just PAINS IN MY ASS.

Do they even have any idea how painful it is for me to stay up late finishing the effing arrangement and finalize it? And how to be assertive without sounding preachy? (is that even possible?) And how it feels to have people talking behind your back about how I get mad easily whenever they don't show up? Or hear their stupid little complaints? Or countless excuses for not attending practices?

Oh, and DIE, SIR IMBANG, DIE. Yeah, keep making excuses for me not to take the 2nd quarter Science PT I missed while I was in Malaysia. I'm the one who's actually volunteering to take the goddamn test already. Darn it.

And prepare for hell: my dad's leaving next week for Japan. What does that mean for me? Staying with my mom for two weeks. Goshhhhhh. Help me, Lord. I don't even think I'll make it through.

SOS!!!!!!!

bitchfestrant.

2009-02-20T23:25:00.000-08:00

[music: Ali Project - Boukoku Kakusei Catharsis]

I CANNOT stress how much I CAN'T understand my dad.

We have the access. The money. And everything. But he keeps on insisting on living a simple life.

I mean, okay, I sound like such a bitch, but honestly, I'm so tired of being simple - mainly with the supermarket routine.

It's always Eunilaine. I HATE Eunilaine. Ugh - they stock up only about half of the stuff in Hi-Top.

And he reserves the bigger groceries for special occasions!

Not even my mom can understand him.

I know, I'm thankful that we even go to the grocery, but I'm just never content with being like everyone.

Ugh - actually, normal people go to Hi-Top. It's not even an elite-y grocery. It just happens to be a teeny bit farther from our house and stock up more stuff.

Darn it.

a blog entry. wow.

2009-02-13T05:33:00.000-08:00

[music: Morning Musume - The Peace!]

So, again, I haven't been posting in a long while.
But here's a summary of what's been happening in my life so far:

still no period :( my dad's seriously worried.
I have a weird bump on my lower back and I couldn't exercise for five days :( but it's less painful now, and I'm back to normal. I'm also eating more!
I'm now addicted to home cooking, except . . I can't cook!

okay, so I haven't posted for a while..

2009-01-30T14:40:00.000-08:00

..and I have absolutely no idea about what to post about.
but look at what I made!
I made it using the Candybar 4 dollmaker from Elouai.
It's my dream outfit, darn it.
It's part-gothic, part-chic.
Gotta love that.

momusu moment

2009-01-11T15:56:00.000-08:00

[music: Morning Musume - I WISH]

I used to really hate Morning Musume, but . . gaaaaaaah. I'm becoming addicted! Partly because of Hitomi Yoshizawa, my current favorite member. She's the tomboyish one in the group, who just happens to be really pretty as well (although she doesn't really seem to notice it). She's also the funniest one, next to Ai Kago. Hahah. I'm not a fan of all their songs, but Mr. Moonlight, I WISH, and Iroppoi Jirettai are topping my playlist.

mommeh!! it's over!!

2009-01-02T16:02:00.001-08:00

..vacation, I mean.

It's time to go back to studying and cramming.

crap!

and what's even more frustrating is that the teachers AREN'T TAKING ME SERIOUSLY.

I just wanna yell in their faces and say,

"I'M LEAVING ON MARCH, YOU ASSHOLES. I HAVE A LOT MORE EXAMS TO MAKE UP FOR."

recording ♥

2008-12-23T17:25:00.000-08:00

yeah, I've just discovered the joys of DIY recording! it's just like doing graphics, but with sound - the mike is your camera, Audacity is your Photoshop. I've recorded 3 songs so far(with vocals and all that jazz). Nope, I won't be posting them here(bwahahahaha) but they're in Youtube . . if you can find me. Bwahahaha.

rant

2008-12-21T14:58:00.000-08:00

crap.
why do I suddenly suck at Wingoball?!
I used to be really good at it.
I mean, so I didn't play it for a few months.
Is that enough to make me SUCK?!?!?!
not just with the newer levels,
but with the OLDER ones too.

putang inaaaaaaaaaaa.
I'm such a crappy LOSER.

oh, and I was also stupid enough to click "Send Score" instead of "Restart Game" when my score was only 126.

my letter to Mozilla

2008-12-19T16:12:00.000-08:00

I could take it ONCE.
But no, it happened AGAIN.

FIREFOX now officially SUCKS.
it used to be really, really GOOD.
But now, it's as crappy as hell!

I can't even enjoy a good game on Neopets, dammit.
So it's caused by the add-ons?! Well, I used to have MORE add-ons with FF2, how come you never froze?!

FF3 might be as popular as IE now,
but you're just as sucky as IE as well.

Good day to you.
And your goddamn browser.

to users:
if you're stuck on FF2 and are thinking of upgrading,
DON'T.
I wish I could redo the day I decided to go for Firefox 3.
But I can't.
I miss Firefox 2.
It was working perfectly; how could I be so stupid and UPGRADE?!?!
Why wasn't I content with that?
I mean, at least it ran smoothly.
So what if pages loaded 1 second later?
It's one damn second.
It definitely beats having to RESTART the GODDAMN GAME you've been working hard on for 2 hours.

anger management

2008-12-18T15:45:00.000-08:00

Why am I such a PERFECTIONIST?
It's the same reason I quit my piano lessons.

. . You see, I get angry really, really easily.
Sometimes, it's because I'm irritated. Other times, it's because things don't work out the way I had hoped they would. But there are times when I'm angry at the world . . because I'm angry at myself.

I understand perfectly that noone's perfect(no pun intended). But I don't think there's anything wrong with trying. We're human and we have limits, but if we exert some effort, we can overcome them. And overcoming these stupid limits to reach your goal makes you amazing, right? Special. Talented. One of a kind.

I'm just not content with being average.

I have big dreams. I don't wanna just become a nurse, or a teacher, or whatever "average" person would become when I grow up. I wanna be a singer. A composer. Artist. Designer. Illustrator. Programmer. I wanna be good at everything. I want people to look up at me and think, "I wanna be just like that girl."

Unfortunately, I wasn't born perfect. My body's naturally pear-shaped. My grades are horrible. I can't play sports. I can't dance. I suck at games. The list goes on and on and on.

Everyone has "limits". But is it possible to overcome them? I mean, if you put your mind to it, you can "do anything", right?

For example: Piano. The last time I had lessons, the teacher would give me the piece, for me to study by myself. Whenever it was lesson time with the teacher, we would only do scales. But the pieces were to be studied by ME and ME ALONE.

So I would spend hours training myself, competing against myself. Of course, I would get mad at myself for being stupid, forgetful . . and not being able to read notes fast. So I pushed myself. Threw some chairs, ripped some books . . At the end of the day, I've learned the piece and can play it from start to finish without flinching. Which is a good thing, right?

. . but does it make getting angry worth it? No, I don't think so. Unless you're an easily-angered perfectionist like me, you wouldn't understand what the anger feels like. It's bottled up inside you, ready to explode any second. It's taking over you. It's all you can think about. At the same time, you have to do what you're supposed to be doing - WELL. So can you imagine trying to cram yourself into perfecting a whole piece while holding your temper inside?

If you can, congrats. If not, let me tell you, it's NOT easy. Sometimes, I throw tantrums. Yes, TANTRUMS. You know, like toddlers? Other times, I jump around, trying to throw the anger off. But anger doesn't come off that easily, especially for me. The only remedy is to be better at what you're doing, be proud of yourself. In short, my anger wouldn't come off until I've perfected the damn piece. Now that I think of it, I can't even imagine how I was able to do it. I don't think I'm still capable of doing it again.

It's unhealthy, and it's self-destructive. Since I'm at home, I could just go over to the kitchen, get the knife and slice myself. No, I was so sick of myself for being that way. I gave up, and quit piano lessons.

Did I do the right thing? I don't really know. Anger controls you, it's not the other way around. It got in the way of my dream of being a pianist; it could get in the way of anything. Like this morning, I was aiming to get this avatar for a game in Neopets. I just wasn't content with my already-pretty-high score, so I kept trying and trying for three hours. My supposed high score of 500-something became 300-something because I wasn't content with 500-something, but I was already tired when I died and got a score of 300-something, so I sent the score.

I don't know what the conclusion should be. I don't know if I did the right thing. But the important thing is, I'm feeling much better now.

putang ina talaga e

2008-12-17T16:37:00.000-08:00

WTF!??!
Firefox 3 is SO crappy.
Firefox 2 might not have as much features as FF3, but at least it doesn't FREEZE RANDOMLY TO RUIN MY NEOPETS GAMEPLAY.
I SWEAR, FIREFOX IS GETTING CRAPPIER AND CRAPPIER.
It's -gulp- becoming like INTERNET EXPLORER.
I think I'LL SWITCH TO CHROME.

WE MISSED SIMBANG GABI

2008-12-17T13:49:00.000-08:00

. . waaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
but the good news is, Papa bought Puto Bungbong anyway!

NOOOO

2008-12-16T01:46:00.000-08:00

I was thisclose to visiting a contaminated website

By contaminated, I mean a VIRUS-RIDDEN, SPYWARE-INFESTED, AD-LAIDEN WEBSITE.

conclusion: I would officially like to thank the "Stop" button and the slow afternoon internet.

thank you, God

2008-12-16T01:17:00.000-08:00

I went to the doctor today, and guess what . .

I DON'T HAVE ANEMIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111

and to celebrate, we're planning on going to church(it's Simbang Gabi, after all). Which is honestly a rare occasion for me.

Yeah, I don't go to church.

Now, if you're gonna judge me for that, then do me a favor and get out of my blog. For those of you who are more open-minded, stay put.

Anyway . . Why not, you ask? We sort of don't have time, and we're not that religious. Don't get me wrong - I like Gary V's philosophy - he believes strongly in God but he hates the concept of religion. We also have other ways of showing our faith - by being compassionate and generous, especially to street children. But in any case, not going to church still makes me a bit guilty, so since it's Christmas, I'll go to church. Yes, and sit down there and listen. I have a bit of a tiny attention span, but I'll try my best.

I attended the ISCF Christmas party - and there was a bible study. At the moment, I didn't even realize it was a bible study. I mean, the guy leading it(forgot his name..) wasn't boring at all. I actually enjoyed it. So I signed up for the bible study program thing which starts next year(once a week, I think). One teeny problem - I'm a Catholic, and ISCF is the Christian organization of our school. Now, if you check your encyclopedias, Catholicism actually falls under Christianity. But in modern culture, when you say you're a Christian, you're a Protestant/Eucharist/etc.(in short, not a Catholic) I have no problems with that or with them, and I actually like their mass style better(they actually know each other - and that certainly beats the just-sitting-listening-to-the-priest-and-you-don't-know-each-other style of Catholic churches), but in terms of beliefs, I'm definitely a Catholic(although I have no problems with birth control stuff or gay people). What if they suddenly negatively discuss stuff that Catholics believe in(like Mama Mary)? I doubt they will, but if they do, should I quit? Would that offend them? Yeah. That kind of stuff.

I actually hate religion-related fights. I have nothing against the average Muslim(I made friends with them in Malaysia, and I have two Muslim friends here in the Philippines), but the extremists are just . . stupid. It's like they can't tolerate anyone with different beliefs! I'm also a bit against the discrimination against girls(which also occurs in Confucianism, btw) and the extreme conservativity(is that a word? whatever). But it's their belief, I'll respect that. I guess the only thing I can't accept is the fact that some Muslim countries FORCE everyone to be Muslims. Okay, this isn't exclusively with Muslims. It happens with other religions, too. But why do it? Where's the freedom to CHOOSE?

*I hope I didn't offend anyone. I know, religion is a bit of a risky topic, but it's a free country. And remember, I'M NOT AGAINST ANY RELIGION. It's just the system I'm against. Get it? Good.

ranting time.

2008-12-14T04:20:00.000-08:00

okay, I know it's my third post today, but I really, really need to blow off some steam.
I'm so scared of gaining weight.
I mean, why is it that when you lose weight, people really COMPLIMENT and ADORE you..
But when you gain weight, whether for better or worse, they're like . .
"ugh."
I really DO regret what I did when I was in Malaysia.
I won't go into details since I did the WRONG thing.
But now that I'm eating healthy and not overexercising, I'm gaining fat in unwanted places - the lower arms, stomach, and upper thighs, to be exact.
I'm just thankful that they aren't the super obvious areas.
Still, there's no denying that I'm GAINING.
My question is, when the hell will it stop?
I honestly don't wanna go back to how things were like before.
Sometimes, I'm like, 'Just keep doing it. You'll eventually normalize.'
But sometimes, all I can think about is GOING BACK TO MY PAST HABITS.
I mean, it's wrong, but it worked, right?
I always have to convince myself to make decisions for a better FUTURE, not PRESENT.
If I go back to my past habits, then I'm gonna have to battle with it forever.
I'm gonna lose weight, but I'm gonna gain it all back.
I maybe gaining weight now . .
But it's really now or never.

go onze!

2008-12-14T03:14:00.000-08:00

here's a video of OUR FRIGGIN' BATCH last week at the Powerdance:

note: the video was NOT uploaded by me...and it's missing the super-awesome heartbeat which opened the routine. oh well. aaaanyway..
what can I say . . I'm impressed!
Too bad I wasn't part of it. Dammit.
Believe it or not, the routine was only finalized one day before the performance date. I dunno how they did it, but they did an amazing job!

(and on a random note: my thighs are starting to gain back some of the fat . . darnit. I really need to do strength training or I'm gonna blow up like a balloon.)

it feels like Christmas!

2008-12-13T21:54:00.000-08:00

oh yes it does.
It's Christmas, people! The holiday everyone loves!!
I mean, it's getting colder and colder by the second. And this is a tropical country.
We went to SM, and the department store was FILLED WITH PEOPLE. And, of course, there were the annoying remixes of Christmas carols playing.
We bought some gifts(not as much as I usually buy, though. I'm broke!), a Snowman plushie, and some sparkly ball thingies to decorate the tree.
I spent the whole friggin' morning downloading the torrent of the Muppet Christmas Carol for my dad. Boy, does it bring back memories.
But for some reason, as much as the holiday makes me happy, it also makes me feel. .

. . SAD.

Maybe because it was Christmas day 6 years ago that my dad found out my mom was pregnant with a different guy?
Or because of the Christmas 2 years ago where my dad completely ignored me and paid attention to his (now ex-)girlfriend instead?
Or because I still can't accept that Santa Clause isn't real?

There are a bunch of reasons. I don't even wanna think about the others.
I'm going into Scrooge mode.

*shouts angrily to noone in particular*

BUT, guess what makes me happy during the holidays:
GIVING.
No, really!
Last Christmas, my dad bought a family-sized pizza from Pizza Hut.
But because of guilt(calories!) and pity for the kids who had their noses pressed against the store window, he decided to give the remaining slices away.
And by remaining slices, I mean, like, more than half the pizza. (6 slices, I think.)
It's much better to give streetkids food, after all. Yeah, give them money and they'll use it for drugs. Or give it to their "masters"(a.k.a. sindikato).
No, pizza was definitely perfect. The little boy he gave it to even shared the pizza with his friends(or siblings? they didn't really look alike . . ) and they all looked really happy.

That, I think, carries the true meaning of Christmas.
It's more than just bright lights.
Or giant trees.
Or endless presents.

It's generosity that matters.
And I think I'm gonna try that this year!

the wonders of soy.

2008-12-13T02:40:00.000-08:00

okay, okay. I know it's weird, but I find tofu really, really cute.
No, actually, it went like this: we went to SM to buy Christmas gifts. I got hungry, and the first thing I saw was the Soy thingy stand where they were selling fresh, hot Taho. You know, taho? The Filipino comfort food made with some sort of soft white soy, sweet syrup, and sago? Yeah, taho! I've been craving for it for some days now. I mean, can you imagine the sweetness of the syrup, how it blends with the soy, and how the sago just blends right in? Yeah.

And it's quite healthy, too - it's soy, after all. The syrup is really sugary, though. But hey, I can eat anything - as long as it's in moderation. Imagine me indulging. Yuuuuuuuuuuum.

Anyway, the Taho gave me what I'd like to call a 'Soy rush' - we went to Healthy Options and I got Soy Milk and Soy Crackers(which I gobbled up the moment I got home) - and they were goooooooood. Aside from fruit and yogurt, soy has to be the greatest creation on earth!

vegetarian?

2008-12-12T14:00:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday was the ACLE day of the UPIS week. I don't usually participate in UPIS week activities, but I found out Ma'am Rhea would be teaching Animal Rights. So I signed up pronto(and dragged Macky, Pertut, and Nox with me).

Modesty aside, I'm quite compassionate - especially when it comes to animals. No fur, leather, or wool for me(although I have an angora coat - but it's secondhand!) - and I'm against animal cruelty and stuff. But being a vegetarian has never really crossed my mind. I mean, I don't eat pork or beef, but chicken and fish are part of my "favorite food" list. And other animals do it too, right?

So I was a little . . disappointed when Ma'am Rhea started talking about vegetarianism - heck, she's a vegan(aside from not eating meat, she doesn't eat any dairy products, eggs, honey . . anything from animals)! She even started showing clips of pigs, cows, and chickens in the, er, factory farm thingies. Not a pretty sight. I actually cried - they were cramming the pigs in cages and kicking the cows. My god, they were that cruel! I had to close my eyes for the chicken part because I was already crying like an idiot.

I guess it's a food chain thing, but I wish they had more human ways of killing. And I now pity the pigs, cows, and chickens - it's almost like saying, they are born to be eaten. Which is sad. What I'm more against is the factory farming part(rather than the "eating dead bodies" part, since it's the balance of nature - lions eat other animals, too). My dad won't allow me to go veg yet - not only because of iron deficiency but because he says I'm "growing"(yada yada yada) . . but I think I'll go veg when I turn 18. For now, I'll avoid chicken as much as possible(but still eat if I have to), turn to fish(do fish go into factory farms? I dunno), tofu, and veggies.

(and as a plus, Ma'am Rhea and Kuya Anjo[?did I spell it right?] said they lost weight when they became vegetarian/vegan. I could use it for maintenance!)

oh, and random: I'm thinking of making a layout for this crappy blog. I just can't come up with any ideas . . grrrrrr.

review!

2008-12-10T02:58:00.000-08:00

I haven't done this in ages..but I miss doing it. So I'm gonna [publicly] review a song!
So anyway . . Hisayo Inamori is a 16-year-old model for the ~~very slutty~~ kogal magazine, Cawaii. If you look at her pictures or read Cawaii, I'm sure you'll agree she doesn't look like she's sixteen. My first impression was that she's like some sort of Paris Hilton wannabe. But I don't stick to my judgements, so I decided to listen to her debut single, GIRLS STYLE.
What can I say? I'm a bit impressed. Not with her voice, which is actually quite cutesy and decent but not excellent, but with the song. Why? Because I was expecting a Rina Aiuchi-type of bubblegum dance crap song(cheap much?). Nope, the song itself is a unique blend of electronica, jazz, pop, RnB, and . . I can't really describe what it sounds like. It took a while for me to appreciate(and understand) the melody, but after a while, it just grew on me. I like the arrangement - there are, of course, what I like to call the "calm" techno elements(as in, not as agressive as the crap techno you hear in clubs) also known as electronica(I think), violins, and it all just blends into a light, happy song. It's a must-try! The video is posted below(although I don't think it matches the song in any way..)

see what I mean?! The video is just . . crap. Yeah. And Hisayo's voice is quite squeaky at first, but by the pre-chorus/refrain/whatever you call it, it does actually get decent.

Still, the song made it to my "repeat" list(as in, songs I wouldn't mind playing over and over again). Liked it? [DOWNLOAD]

regret.

2008-12-07T15:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I wish I never did it.
But I did.
As of now, lots of people are wishing they were like me.
Some of the people were the ones who used to ignore me.

What they don't know is, I did it the wrong way.

And now I'm suffering the consequences.

..stuff I never used to see are showing up.
And I think I'm gaining it all back - I'm even gaining what was never there.

And my uncle, who somehow found out about it, just told me:
"It can't happen overnight. Look at Seri. She did it the healthy way and she's now permanently fit."
[sarcasm mode] thanks a lot. I had no idea. [/sarcasm]

So this thing won't last.
And I'll go back to the way I was in a while.

Please, people.
DON'T EVER LET BODY IMAGE ISSUES GET YOU.
Because it blinded me; it got me to resort to the wrong way rather than the right way.

hate it, hate it, hate it.

2008-11-15T02:30:00.000-08:00

..so I just arrived home a little while ago.
and I'm a bit depressed.
I feel like..I didn't make the most of my trip.
I only started enjoying it like, two weeks before we left.
And now, I'm stuck in Manila, where it's filthy and dirty and not clean and green like Kuala Lumpur.

..and I already miss Ching and Mew Ling.
Yesterday . . we said our last(for now) goodbyes.
But my "goodbye" didn't sound like the "I won't see you for a long time, so I really wanna treasure this sad moment" goodbye - it was more like, "I'll see you again tommorow, take care!" goodbye. I wish I made that moment last longer. The fact that it'd be a long time before we meet again only hit me when we were already in the elevator, going to our rooms to pack our bags. I don't think I could thank those two girls enough. Without them(and tito Jae and tita Shoty), our trip would've really sucked big time. I look at them like . . like big sisters. I'm gonna miss them.

And we arrived home safely, but once we got in our house we were like, "WHOA." My uncle, who was supposed to clean the house every one to two weeks while we were gone, NEVER CAME. EVER. So our house was REALLY DIRTY and DUSTY and DISGUSTING. My dad was really pissed off - he was expecting to just sleep once we got home, but now he has to CLEAN. Argh.

During the first few days of my stay, I was looking forward to going back home 'coz I was in some sort of a culture shock and out flat in UM really stinked(and ever since Sunday, there hasn't been any water in the bathrooms - good thing we moved in to YMCA last Wednesday). But now, I'm like.."WHAT is it that I missed about the Philippines?!" This is MY blog, so I'm gonna be honest: I LOVE the Philippine culture and history, but I hate the country and the modern people. Why? Because most of us are lazy, selfish, corrupt..(I could go on and on..) and if you think I'm exaggerating, wait until you go to another country(say, Malaysia?) - and THEN you'll see what I'm talking about.

But the things I do love about my country is that we're a free country, and we're integrated. Malaysia is actually...not-so-free. It's like you have to bow down to the "masters"(the government) or die(no, not really - more like, be blacklisted). And judging from tourism ads and stuff, I thought they were really integrated and were a mix of different cultures and stuff. Actually, it's more like having three very different races and putting them under one roof - that's it. The tendency is, the [insert race here] hang out with people from the same race, eat their race's food, follow the race's religion, and so on. It doesn't sound so bad, but you should really see it. They're kind of divided. Like, in a cafeteria, the Malays only sit with Malays and only eat Malay food. So do the Chinese. And the Indians. It was kind of disappointing, actually. Lesson learned: don't trust tourism ads.

But really, besides that, I really like Malaysia and I look forward to going back - or at least leaving this country. I just can't take it anymore.

[more pictures coming!]

just when you start to love a place..

2008-11-11T18:41:00.000-08:00

..you have to go.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I really wanna stay here for at least another week!
grrrrrrrrrr.
I'm not yet ready to face the evil teachers..or my classmates..
I'm not in the mood to see the dirt and dust of Quezon City..
And I'm not ready to give up eating Nasi Lemak just yet.

WHY?!?!?!

November fifteen.
I used to look forward to that day.
Now, I'm DREADING it.

greedy green-eyed monster

2008-11-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

..am I becoming one?!

I think I am. Oh noooooo.

Temptation. I hate it.

Sometimes, it's the small stuff: a five-color pen, metallic pink hair clips; sometimes, it's the superficial stuff: a Gucci bag, a new cell phone; and sometimes, it's the useful things you won't be able to find anywhere in the Philippines(I think): Kathy Smith's Matrix Method and Denise Austin's Core Complete videos.

And there are those cases where: you don't have money. you're broke. you had money, but you spent it on something useless. your parents won't let you. your family's in a crisis. the country's in a crisis. the world's ending(kidding) . . and the list goes on and on.

Most of us just learn to shut up and accept the fact that we're just not lucky enough to be rich or spoiled as Paris Hilton. Most of the time, that's how I react. Someday you'll get rich. Dream on. Something like that. But the difference is when you, say, see something - a certain, specific something you've been eyeing for years(okay, days will do). Then you reach out for your wallet and discover - gasp - no more money! Next option: ask your parents. They say no. So you sulk and hope that they'll change their mind. It's been days, they haven't.

And then comes the last resort: steal it. It doesn't matter if you steal some money to buy it or the item itself. Point is, what do you have to lose? You don't do this everyday . . and it's not like you're robbing a bank or something, right? Oh, but think of the consequences. The grief. The guilt.

Today, I was thisclose to actually stealing money from my dad. Don't blame him; he was only doing his job as a good parent by stopping me from buying another you-know-what(do you?). I, of course, was persistent. He got mad. I said sorry. But my hunger for the item didn't go away.

I was actually thinking of asking him for ten ringgit - supposedly to surf the net. But I wouldn't. I'd keep it. I'd do this for four days. And then while he isn't looking when we go to the you-know-what store, I'll buy the item. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?

The difference with today: I've actually always thought of doing that, but I never actually felt brave enough to do it. It would always stay a thought in my head. I was too compassionate(if you give me a better word, I'll replace this one). Today, I was determined to do it. To lie. It wouldn't exactly be stealing, right? It's just going to the internet shop, changing my mind, and..keeping the money. Right?! Wrong.

Good thing my inner Jimminy Cricket(did I spell it right?) woke up and defeated my inner demon. It's bad. It's risky. My dad has bought me a lot of stuff already - an iPod. A digicam. A gorgeous dress. And I would ask him for a Nitendo DS for my birthday. No, it was too much. Stealing - yes, it's stealing - just isn't right, whether or not the person finds out or not. Lady stole 600 precious pesos from me, and I felt sad and stupid. She still doesn't know that I know, but I'll let her learn for herself. I think. Well, you get the point.

Today, I was close to being an amateur criminal. I'm not exaggerating - everyone starts somewhere, right?! But sometimes, you just have to force yourself to do the right thing. It sucks, but it's the right thing. God would probably reward me one day. And look on the bright side: no guilt. For now. Who knows, the thought might enter my mind again.

..kidding.

ugh.

2008-10-25T05:56:00.000-07:00

When you're a girl like me who dreams of being a singer/superstar/composer, having a dad who's a musician could be a great thing.

Not always, though.

It's like, people expect me to be as great as my dad. (I'll talk about that in my next blog entry.) Or to at least know what's great from what isn't. What they don't understand is that we have very different standards.

For example, I honestly don't understand my dad's - or his students' - music. To me, it sounds like a bunch of random notes packaged with a title, and it doesn't make any sense to me. I just don't get it. I don't think it's bad, but it just doesn't register in my head. Get it?

My taste in music is..well, it leans more over to the Ayumi Hamasaki side, although I don't like all of her songs - but most of them. I like pretty much anything catchy, or powerful, or, you know..something that doesn't sound like a plain old tune. I don't care if it's Japanese or not(although majority of it is Jpop). I actually sort of enjoy Britney Spears' old music, or even the Spice Girls during the Spice World era! Then again, songs Ayumi Hamasaki's "Step You" and Crystal Kay's "Kirakuni" really stand out for me. I dunno, they don't just sound plain. They sound amazing, in my opinion. But for my dad and his fellow composers, pretty much any pop song is crap.

And when my dad met the composers after his lecture thingy, they asked what music I liked, so I told them I liked JPop - Ayumi, and all those people, and they were like, "Oh." A disappointed "oh". To them, only Jazz and contemporary music makes sense. And they started talking about Christina Aguilera and Britney's "crap" music, how it's "fooling the youth", yada yada yada.

People all have different tastes. That's a fact. I don't think any ONE person can state which is good or bad as a fact. We all have different tastes. We have different opinions of which is good or bad. And you know what? I like how my tastes are. And I don't really care about what other people like(in a good way!). I have my own opinions, but I respect their tastes.

If only they could respect mine.

the post just doesn't sound right..I'll edit it when I feel like it..which is not now.

..stuff I've sort of learned

2008-10-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

..HEALTH is more important than what you look like on the outside.
I'm done starving myself. Really.
I'm in the healthy range, after all.
And I guess that's much better than being under or overweight.
(Believe me, most Filipinos are underweight. When you're a healthy Pinoy, you're considered "fat". wtf?!).
I'm gonna make this fitness thing a FUN thing. You know, fun? Not deadly?
..yeah. so I went from being thisclose to being overweight, to thisclose to being *almost* anorexic, to being quite alright, to being where I am now.
In fact, I just pigged out at lunch(cookies galore!) BUT I'm gonna eat a light dinner(half a can of tuna in water, anyone?) - and go back to eating healthy tommorow.
And to get rid of my still-flabby buns and thighs, I'm actually gonna try using a dumbell. (Wow! maybe I should start off at one pound..yeah, I'm that weak)
..and, GOODBYE, so-called "fat-free chocolate snacks". Yeah, it's fat-free, but it's sugar-loaded. Hah. Nice one.

I hope I can keep this attitude up.
Because I'm the type of person who can switch from being confident to being overly insecure in a snap.
Pray for meh.

quitting time

2008-10-20T18:31:00.000-07:00

I quit Pop Addicted.

I've been warned by Google and Blogger, and I know this happens a lot to online music post-ers.
But it scared me to death.
I'm not risking my account(which includes this blog and my e-mail address) for a couple of links.
Besides, I think I've come to understand how it feels like to see your music, something you worked hard for, to be up for FREE.
I don't think I'm gonna stop downloading stuff, but I'm done with uploading.
I'm gonna miss posting(~~and showing off my custom covers~~) though.

Well..
there.
To the readers of Pop Addicted,
sorry.

2008-10-17T23:53:00.001-07:00

I've always wanted to do reviews on restaurants, CDs, and other stuff, but I never get around doing it, 'coz I always run out of things to say. So I'm gonna do MINI-REVIEWS - you know, short reviews that go straight to the point!

FOOD

I ordered a Thick Toast with Honey and Teh(tea) from Toast Box, and I'm impressed! The toast is crispy on the outside, yet still bread-soft on the inside. It smells really heavenly as well, but I think it could use more honey. The tea is a bit sweet, but I don't really mind. 5/5
I got a cup of Strawberry Yogurt ice cream from Gelato Fruity - and it tastes really good! I'm not a fan of overly-sweet ice cream, and this is a bit sour, but still on the sweet side. Plus, it's 99% fat-free(it's still loaded with sugar though - but it's definitely better than ice cream). I'm definitely coming back to this kiosk. 5/5
Chicken Rice is part of the Food Junction in Midvalley, and their specialty is..well, Chicken Rice, which is roasted(?) chicken served with rice, some sort of sauce(which tastes a bit like soy sauce), cucumbers, and chickenstock soup. It's really, really good - and cheap, too! My only complaint is..well, there's just too much rice. Hmm.. I've noticed the Malaysians really love rice - can you imagine, around 2 cups a meal?! 4/5
Kenny Rogers Roasters(here in Malaysia) has more stuff than the Philippine Kenny Rogers Roasters! Anyway, I ordered the Tangy Chicken Jacket Potato - and I was a bit disappointed. They included the chicken skin in the Tangy Chicken mix(which has some spicy tomato[?] sauce, and corn) - eew. And the "tangy" tomato sauce could do better. I think the restaurant itself is great, but this particular dish was just plain bad. 2/5

Magazines

Allure - not as great as I expected. It has lots and lots of articles, but only a few fashion/beauty/whatever pages. But some of the articles have really interesting topics - like insomnia solutions! 3/5
Cleo(Malaysian Version) - this is one magazine that I won't be tired of reading - it could use more articles, but it has lots of beauty and fashion and etcetera pages which really caught my eye. Plus, even though it's targetted at the same age group as Cosmopolitan readers, it doesn't have as much "all about lust" pages, which is a plus since I'm just fourteen. Older readers might not like it, though. 5/5
K-Zone(Malaysian version) - the issue I bought had lots of eco-tips, which is good, but not as much content as the Philippine K-zone, and it's a bit more boring. Not much game reviews, either. *yawn* 2.5/5
PC World - this is another magazine that I'll never be tired of reading. I'm a self-confessed geek, and this is just perfect - HOWEVER, it has some flaws, like, say, I don't know, recommending Norton Antivirus to clean a computer?!?! It's just gonna mess it up more! Everyone knows that! But you've gotta love their brutal honesty - they really point out flaws in programs, and they even have articles like, "How to hack your iPhone" and stuff like that. 4/5

..to be continued.

was I made to be a composer?

2008-10-16T05:46:00.000-07:00

..probably not. because I suck at the simplest things, namely: sightreading and transcribing the brilliant thoughts in my head into notes.

ugh. I really suck. partly because I'm used to being taught the tune in Cherubs - we don't do Solfege, and now I'm seeing the side effects. I read notes like a mule.

I really wanna learn how to play piano - I mean, I already do, but I wanna learn how to sightread. Like Nodame. Or Seri. Even Macky can do it, how come I can't? Because I've only had five piano lessons in my whole life? Poor excuse.

I don't know if I'm gonna succeed with my goals. I just tell myself to work hard, but it's not working.

And to make things worse, my dad doesn't understand. He's a guy, what would you expect? For feeling bad about those stuff, he gets mad; and if I don't tell him what I'm feeling bad about, he gets mad. Gaaaaah.

I don't even wanna do anything but cry. It's not gonna do anything. But nothing I do ever does, right? What's the point?

I sound like such a loser. Such a give-upper. I'm sorry, but I'm weak and fragile; I have dreams, but I just wasn't born strong. Kthxbye.

I really wish I was Seri[my Japanese cousin]. She lost all her weight, and she plays great piano. And I love her fashion style. She must've worked really hard.

I wish I was strong, not a giver-upper. I wish I had the willpower and motivation in me. Well, I don't.

tutorial: how to quickly close IE/Photoshop if it freezes(Windows XP)

2008-10-13T06:37:00.001-07:00

NOTE: DO THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK. It works for me, but it might not for you. Always save your work everytime you can. I will NOT be responsible for any damage on your computer.

Yeah, Windows sucks. I know. But that shouldn't mean we should live with it!
So let's say, you're innocently surfing the net(aww..stuck with IE? *shudders*) or making a mean schmean wallpaper, than..*poof!* the program won't respond, and even clicking "end now" won't help. Here's a quick way to close the program:

1. Press Ctrl + Alt + Delete, to open Task Manager.
2. Go to the "Processes" tab.
3. Look for Iexplore.exe(for IE) or Photoshop.exe(Photoshop) in the list and click it.
4. Click "End Process"(at the lower-right corner).
5. Click "Yes."(this will cancel your downloads, and any new changes to your work won't be saved unless..well, you saved 'em beforehand).
6. Re-open the program!

..it works for pretty much any program, but I don't really know what their "Image Names" are. Remember, I won't be responsible for any damages. I'm no computer technician. I'm just sharing my solution.

me.and.my.goals.

2008-10-13T06:18:00.001-07:00

Goals are supposed to motivate you, right?
How come it's dragging me down?!

So..I went surfing around for Neopets screenies(FYI: people take screenshots, or "screenies", in Neopets, whenever something great, rare, funny, weird, or glitchy happens, and then they post it in their petpages.) - and got a bit jealous of the people who got screenies of their bank account. They all had, like, 5 million at least. I actually saw someone who had a daily interest of 10,000. WTF..that's how much I earn in a day! So right after going out of the internet cafe, I started writing down my "Neo-goals":

access to the labray
a game trophy(come on, just ONE! do I suck that much!?)
4 painted pets(one will be my "lab rat")
200 avatars
be a genius at restocking
earn the "Ultimate Riches" title
be a battledome-r
be a kad feeder

ugh. I looked at myself, and thought, "your account's been up for more than a year, how come you haven't achieved any of those?!"

well, let me give you some reasons:

I was stupid enough to get SCAMMED..and lost 700k.
I bought a Snowbunny for 500k, expecting the price to go higher..then, the pound opens and it drops to 100k!
I bought a cloud PB for 300k, and painted my jubjub, then..after about a week, Tarla gives away those precious paint brushes and the price drops to 80k!
I was actually stupid enough to give away a 30k item to a "friend" of mine, who also stole Php600 from me in real life, but won't admit it.

Ugh. will I ever get there?!

The best way to get there is, of coure..to DO THE DAILIES AND PLAY GAMES EVERYDAY.

But I can't.

Why?

Because I made another list of goals - this time, for real life:

master HTML and Flash
run my own graphics website
be thinner
own more "you can't help but be jealous" stuff
perfect the art of SEWING USING an *effing* machine!
be FLUENT in Japanese
read Japanese text really fast, like how we read English text
read and write notes really fast, like how we read and write English text
be really good at playing the piano
sightread!
finish writing a novel
grow my hair
end Frog Dissection *shudder*
get teh Best in Music..again..or Math or English award.
learn how to do technical stuff for recording and arranging music
be a composer/singer(as in, officially)
master the art of PIXELLING.

And the list goes on and on..

Noone's perfect, but would it hurt to try?

(That's a yes.)

Maybe when I'm 65, then I'll complete my goals.

I'm only human, I can't achieve all those by the time I'm 18!

..I think.

I hate my stupid laziness. I wish I could spend the whole day everyday doing something to achieve those goals.

..but as I said, I'm only human.

what's happened lately?

2008-10-13T06:13:00.000-07:00

..we bought a digicam.
a DIGICAM!!
..a Panasonic Lumix FX38, to be exact. (Ayumi's one of their models, I think.)

and I've been toying around with it like an idiot.
But if there's one thing I (sorta) hate, it's CAM WHORES. ugh. I'm definitely not one of them.
I took lots of pictures of the outside world - buildings, trees, and the like.

and..random: I finished levels 9 and 10 of Bounce. (FYI: the NEW Bounce where you can't use the 787898 cheat)

swoosh.

2008-10-11T07:07:00.000-07:00

Today was..great?

We(me, papa, and Shoty) went to Chinatown, and..as expected, I saw lots of fake Prada/Gucci/whoever bags in there, and some exotic food (ehem..DUCK?! eugh.) as well.
It was raining like hell! We were supposed to meet Jay at this hostel - there were lots of foreigners there, and the receptionist was a Filipina.

Anyway. So..Jay introduced us to his friends there. I was a bit scared - they were mostly siga, drinkers, and smokers. And the place wasn't so properly lighted, so it was a bit dark. So, I was trying to act as boyish as possible(who knows what those perverts were thinking), and..we spoke to this Filipina and I found out her sad story: she was supposed to be a maid, but her "boss" wouldn't pay her..so she demanded for her money. and guess what? her "boss" reported her to the police for "stealing". and she had to face jail - metal bars and all. Now, she's a..pr----tute. I felt a bit sorry for her. But I admire her for standing strong, even if it means landing a dirty job..she has to make a living, after all.

On the way back, we crossed this overpass. On one end, there was a man - he looked like he was knocked out(more like sleeping, actually) - but he was holding a cup with a few coins. I felt sorry for him, and gave him my prunes snack pack. On the other end, there was another homeless dude - and he was awake, he was really begging and crying. I didn't have any more food with me, and the general rule is to NEVER GIVE THEM MONEY(since they'll most likely be using them for drugs). I wasn't able to give him anything. What was I supposed to do? But I can't take his face off my mind. I really wish I could do something. The best thing I can do is to PRAY for him. (You too.)

Oh, and save the frogs. Darn, what's the point of teaching us to dissect them if we can do it with computer programs and stuff? It is SO BARBARIC, people. Ugh. And fur clothing - WTF?!

I wouldn't be surprised if God decided to end the world tomorrow.

I know I sound depressed. I am. Because this world sucks. We, the people, suck.

life in Malaysia(part one)

2008-10-08T19:33:00.000-07:00

I know, I haven't updated in forever. But let me give you a quick summary of the first few weeks in Malaysia:

Airport - imagine having nothing to do but sit down for 3 hours.(we were still in the airport that time.) yeah. pretty much. until we got to the section with the shops and everything, I bought some 100-calorie Hershey's snacks(US-made).

Airplane - the bathrooms were soooo cuuuuuuuuute. Everything was so small! They got to fit a whole restroom into one tiny corner. The food was also in little packs. Everything was compressed. Wow. As we got higher, it got colder and dryer and..I couldn't breathe. The air was too cold.

Arrival - we arrived at about 10 pm, and . . well, I was impressed. Everything was so clean! Kuala Lumpur looks really beautiful at night.

Arrival at our flat - my fantasies were over. I hated . .and still hate . . our flat. It's a bit small, it has a certain smell which I hate, and the bathrooms just freaked me out(especially this certain one which had YELLOW WATER coming out of the taps. Eew much?)

First trip out - we had to renew my dad's Visa(or something like that). I couldn't sleep the night before, so I was really, really sleepy. I got to try out Indian food. Spicy.

First trip to the mall - we went to this place called Digital Mall to buy a laptop(which still doesn't have internet) for my dad. We went to this other mall beside it to buy some food. I fell in love with the yogurt! There were so many different flavors and brands. I bought one of each brand. As of now, my favorite is the Marigold 0%Fat yogurt in Berry Mix(or something like that). gotta love berries.

After two weeks - I got back to working out(thanks to my dad's laptop)...and bought New Moon by Stephanie Meyer(it's a bit more expensive here, but I had to have something to read!). I began studying. Yay. I was so caught up with reading New Moon, I finished it in around 4 hours. And I got inspired to write a book.

The week after that: I kept on writing. 'Nuff said.

As of now - WRITER'S BLOCK. I don't write much anymore. *sigh* and..I'm bored most of the time. The only part of the day I look forward to is eating breakfast(granolas are goooooood) and surfing the net. Gash, I sorta wanna go home.

There you go.

pink-ify your PC!

2008-09-15T06:17:00.000-07:00

Yeah, pink is a really girly color, but some of us just can't help but be attracted to it. Why not bring your love for pink to your computer?

Visual Style(for Windows XP), a.k.a. Themes: [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9]
Firefox: [1][2]
Winamp: [1][2]
Yahoo! Messenger: [1][2]
Desktop Wallpaper: there are THOUSANDS(or maybe even millions) available, but a good place to get really cute ones is here[click].
Icons: again there are thousands available, but this site[click] is a good place to start. Don't forget to join first. Check these ones as well: [1]
Cursors: [1](the piggy ones)

add these cool programs!
ObjectDock(get a Mac-like dock!)
StickyPaper(for virtual post-its!)
Rainlendar(really cool calendar)
Clocx(analog clock for yerr desktop)

and some optional but cute DESKTOP BUDDIES..
Poupee Girl(you need to be online to use this - and you'll need to register and make a "doll" at Pupe.Jp first)
And these cute ones, which were NOT MADE BY ME.
Bad Badtz Maru
Hello Kitty
Tare Panda
Pikachu
Minna no Tabo

..if you're virus-paranoid like me..FYI, THESE WERE SCANNED AROUND A THOUSAND TIMES BY MOI.

more coming soon :D

to install:
Themes/VS: follow the steps here here. Download yerr theme, unzip, and open the .msstyles file.
Firefox: a Firefox window should pop up, click on "Install", wait for it to finish, restart Firefox, go to Tools > Add-ons, select Themes, select a theme, click "Use Theme", and restart Firefox.
WinAmp: don't unzip the files if they're zipped - simply move the .zip file to [drive letter]\Program Files\Winamp\Skins. If it's a .wsz file(or something like that), just open the file and it should install itself.
Yahoo! Messenger: unzip the file to [drive letter]\Program Files\Yahoo!\Shared\Graphics (make sure it's in a new folder!).
Wallpaper: if it's a .zip file, unzip it somewhere easy to remember go to Control Panel > Display > Desktop and click on Browse.. and look for the file, then click OK. Or, if it's in .jpg/.gif/.png format, you could just right-click on it and select "Set as wallpaper"(depends on the browser, but..yeah).
Icons: Unzip 'em somewhere easy to remember. for My Computer, My Documents, Recycle Bin, and all those other essential shortcuts, go to Control Panel > Display > Desktop > Customize Desktop. For other folders, right-click, then select Properties > Customize > Change Icon > Browse and select yerr icon. For programs, create shortcuts(I don't think you can change the icons of the .exe files themselves) by right-clicking > Create Shortcut OR right-click > Send To > Desktop(for teh desktop), right-click, then select Properties > Customize > Change Icon > Browse.
Cursors: Unzip them somewhere easy to remember, go to Control Panel > Mouse > Pointers, select a cursor type(normal, busy, etc), click on Browse, and look for yerr .cur/.ani files.

it's back!

2008-09-13T15:55:00.000-07:00

music: Yuna Ito - I'm Here

just when I thought the creativity rush would be gone forever..

it's back!

and guess what, I actually wrote a piano piece!
it's not done yet, but it's a start.

the problem is, unlike most composers/songwriters, I already have the whole song in my head. And I hear it like a pop song.
And I have to somehow have to transcribe it. Extract it from my mind and put it into writing.

It wasn't easy.

..but I did it!

the end? or the beginning.

2008-09-12T17:46:00.000-07:00

..I had to hide my tears yesterday.
I'm gonna miss 8-damselfly soooooooo much.
And Ma'am Liza(our English ST who does the teaching job so much better than our official teacher).
And the cherubs.
And Nicole/Al'ya/Janina.

imagine not saying these for two months:

"chorva. crap. putakteh. oh. ah, interesting. ooh!. nyahaha. auh. shem. shet. potek. gagi. sira. lang hiya. happeh. ano kaya yun?!. ewan. watebah."(and so on..)

...two months!
gaaaah.

moving on, Kurama's dad told me that gadgets are really cheap in Malaysia.
So I made a wishlist:

PSP
Nitendo DS
Digital Camera
External Hard Drive - 500gigs!
laptop

I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to buy them all, but if I do, I'm gonna get them in PINK.

Pink makes the world go round! xD

And suddenly, I feel so un-creative.
I feel like..the only thing I'm good at is copying other people's works, modifying them, and claiming them as my own.

And that sucks. I can't create anything by myself.

Art..is supposed to reflect YOUR emotions, expressions, opinions.....NOT OTHER PEOPLE's!!!!!

and....designing. I have, er, designer's block. I'm out of ideas. My mind has stretched to its full capacity.

and composing? I'm getting tunes in my head, but I suck at transcribing them into notes.

and inventing music videos . . . again, my mind has stretched already. None here.

and writing..I suck. nuff said. (read the posts if you don't believe me)

I really wanna be a great artist/designer/composer/director, but I think I'm out of creativity.

on a side note, reading Florante at Laura combined with vague scenes of Six Cycle Mind's Prinsesa video made me think of an IDEA.

Filipino folk stuff + modern punk goth = IDEA.

haha, weird I know, but..trust me. It'll work out. Somehow.

chainmail..sorta

2008-09-07T17:07:00.000-07:00

so..open up your music library and put it on shuffle. For every question, hit NEXT. Be honest!
Opening Credits: Snow Scene by Antic Cafe

Waking Up: Bokura no te by AAA

First Day At School: No secrets by No secrets

Falling In Love: Raspberry Heaven from Azumanga Daioh

Fight Song: Next best superstar(acoustic) by Melanie C

Breaking Up: Koi no jumon wa papapipupa from School Rumble

Prom: Two in a million by S Club(omg..it's accurate!)

Life: Everyone by Backstreet Boys

Career: All the Right Friends by REM (I’ve had crappy work colleagues in the past, but now I have a priest for a colleague things are certainly looking up)

Mental Breakdown: Baby Love by Every Little Thing

Driving: If that were me by Melanie C

Flashback: Equal Romance from Di Gi Charat

Getting back together: Girls just wanna have fun by Miley Cyrus (err - huh?!)

Wedding: July 1st by Ayumi Hamasaki

Birth of Child: Keep on from Digimon

Midlife Crisis: Proud Family by Destiny's Child and Solange

Final Battle: Suite from Mulan from Mulan (wow! it's right!)

Death Scene: So crazy(mad bear mix) by Namie Amuro

Funeral Song: Privacy by Blue (er - this song's too upbeat to be a funeral song!)

End Credits: Gracious days by BoA

so close.

2008-09-06T14:55:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving in eight days.

I can't believe it.

My first trip abroad is happening in eight days.

-insert scream here!-

no, seriously. So, let's see..yesterday, I went to Pisay's family day, and endured having to wake up at 4 o'clock. (And honestly? let's just say now I'm prouder to be from UP.)

Then, we got an iPod. And iPod classic! And now I'm organizing the stuff. And I'm paranoid. WHY does it have to show the cover art on the side?! Some of the albums have really nasty, not-so-kid-friendly covers. Oh, and YOU CAN ONLY SYNC WITH ONE iTunes LIBRARY which kinda sucks x_x but, whatever. It's an iPod! How can I not be happy?!

organize schmorganize..

2008-09-04T05:38:00.000-07:00

..I just ~~stole~~ borrowed my dad's unused planner, and..I'm hooked.
I've never tried organizing my life, but this thing sure is making it a heck of a lot easier!
No more loose notes. No more undone assignments.

..and it's only been two days!

Maybe organizing your life will keep you sane. Or, it could drive you nuts if you plan EVERYTHING for the day(for example - Monday, 7:00:13-7:00:20 - Go downstairs. 7:00:20-7:00:22 - Open door.)

And as Ayumi(or some other JPop star I've forgotten..) has said in an interview, "I wouldn't use an organizer, I want the day's sequences to happen when they should.

Nah, I'm not that nuts. But seeing my low grades(-ehm-English-ehm-), it would be a good time to really know my priorities. And having to-do-lists in one compact notebook is a great way to do it.

Oh, and..I'M LEAVING IN 11 DAYS. GOODBYE, PHILIPPINES. I shall miss you. But I'll be back in two months. With presents xD

noooooo waaaaaai.

2008-08-31T04:33:00.000-07:00

Pop Addicted has just closed down.

Why, Nox, why?!

For those of you who don't know, Pop Addicted is(or..used to be) a music blog where I used to be a contributor(as in, I post/review music). And at the height of its popularity, NIKKI(a.k.a. Nox, the admin) JUST HAD TO CLOSE IT DOWN?!

How very The OC-Mischa Barton-being killed-like.

Fine. It's not my blog. But I've grown to love it. I was actually attached to it. I met new people, discovered new music, and got to share my favorite tracks to people around the globe. (and since Nox did all the promotions and stuff, I didn't have to worry about having no audience).

But it just HAD TO CLOSE DOWN. It's like..buying a piece of gold, waiting for the prices to rise, then giving it away.

Couldn't you at lease keep it open?

Oh well. I repeat, it's not my blog. This is merely my opinion. But I will miss Pop Addicted and the Pop Addicted family.

To everyone who kept watch of Pop Addicted, thank you sooooooooo much(even the flamer who called me a lazy a**). Your comments meant so much to me, and I started using Photoshop again! And now..this blog is my personal space. No rules to follow(for me, at least)..or formats..or deadlines.

But still. I'm gonna miss BeE, GUI, Angel, RoRo, Reira, and everyone else. Pop Addicted wasn't just a blog. It was..a family. And I can't believe it's ending.

This may be the end for Pop Addicted, but this is only the beginning for Chained ♥ Wonderland.

empty.

2008-08-30T17:35:00.000-07:00

..that's just how I feel at the moment. I'm content, but not content. Happy, but sad. Sad, but happy.

Maybe it's because I'm aware of the fact that a friend of mine hates me now, more than ever.

And everytime I explain my side, she resists.

I'm tired of it.

I don't hate her. But I don't wanna see her right now.

And I wish she'd grow up.

how low can you get?

2008-08-30T04:36:00.000-07:00

We watched Florante at Laura(a Filipino classic) at SM, and..it was a love story. Nothing much to say here.

What disappointed me was how my seatmates were reacting. They were insulting this actress - "yuck, ang pangit, ang taba..(yuck, she's so fat and ugly..)"

Before you start talking trash, ask yourself: are YOU perfect? Obviously, no. Noone is. No matter how many things you're good at, you can NEVER be perfect. Nor can anyone else. So why are you hitting on people you don't even know?

I secretly dream of being a singer of some sort, but I wouldn't wanna go through how stupid people are going to make fun of me - especially since I'm not really physically pretty. But somehow, I'm happy with myself.

I guess my seatmates were insecure about themselves - that's why they started bashing on an innocent person. That's probably why people insult other people on purpose - they're insecure about themselves. Well, I think it's crap. If you're insecure about yourself, that's your problem. Not ours. Don't blame us for your stupidity. Because we're happy about ourselves.

Now if only everyone understood that.