LISTEN . . please? {♥} chainedwonderland v3.0

Saturday, November 15, 2008 hate it, hate it, hate it.

..so I just arrived home a little while ago.
and I'm a bit depressed.
I feel like..I didn't make the most of my trip.
I only started enjoying it like, two weeks before we left.
And now, I'm stuck in Manila, where it's filthy and dirty and not clean and green like Kuala Lumpur.

..and I already miss Ching and Mew Ling.
Yesterday . . we said our last(for now) goodbyes.
But my "goodbye" didn't sound like the "I won't see you for a long time, so I really wanna treasure this sad moment" goodbye - it was more like, "I'll see you again tommorow, take care!" goodbye. I wish I made that moment last longer. The fact that it'd be a long time before we meet again only hit me when we were already in the elevator, going to our rooms to pack our bags. I don't think I could thank those two girls enough. Without them(and tito Jae and tita Shoty), our trip would've really sucked big time. I look at them like . . like big sisters. I'm gonna miss them.

And we arrived home safely, but once we got in our house we were like, "WHOA." My uncle, who was supposed to clean the house every one to two weeks while we were gone, NEVER CAME. EVER. So our house was REALLY DIRTY and DUSTY and DISGUSTING. My dad was really pissed off - he was expecting to just sleep once we got home, but now he has to CLEAN. Argh.

During the first few days of my stay, I was looking forward to going back home 'coz I was in some sort of a culture shock and out flat in UM really stinked(and ever since Sunday, there hasn't been any water in the bathrooms - good thing we moved in to YMCA last Wednesday). But now, I'm like.."WHAT is it that I missed about the Philippines?!" This is MY blog, so I'm gonna be honest: I LOVE the Philippine culture and history, but I hate the country and the modern people. Why? Because most of us are lazy, selfish, corrupt..(I could go on and on..) and if you think I'm exaggerating, wait until you go to another country(say, Malaysia?) - and THEN you'll see what I'm talking about.

But the things I do love about my country is that we're a free country, and we're integrated. Malaysia is actually...not-so-free. It's like you have to bow down to the "masters"(the government) or die(no, not really - more like, be blacklisted). And judging from tourism ads and stuff, I thought they were really integrated and were a mix of different cultures and stuff. Actually, it's more like having three very different races and putting them under one roof - that's it. The tendency is, the [insert race here] hang out with people from the same race, eat their race's food, follow the race's religion, and so on. It doesn't sound so bad, but you should really see it. They're kind of divided. Like, in a cafeteria, the Malays only sit with Malays and only eat Malay food. So do the Chinese. And the Indians. It was kind of disappointing, actually. Lesson learned: don't trust tourism ads.

But really, besides that, I really like Malaysia and I look forward to going back - or at least leaving this country. I just can't take it anymore.

[more pictures coming!]

Yuki

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 just when you start to love a place..

..you have to go.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I really wanna stay here for at least another week!
grrrrrrrrrr.
I'm not yet ready to face the evil teachers..or my classmates..
I'm not in the mood to see the dirt and dust of Quezon City..
And I'm not ready to give up eating Nasi Lemak just yet.

WHY?!?!?!

November fifteen.
I used to look forward to that day.
Now, I'm DREADING it.

Yuki

Sunday, November 2, 2008 greedy green-eyed monster

..am I becoming one?!

I think I am. Oh noooooo.

Temptation. I hate it.

Sometimes, it's the small stuff: a five-color pen, metallic pink hair clips; sometimes, it's the superficial stuff: a Gucci bag, a new cell phone; and sometimes, it's the useful things you won't be able to find anywhere in the Philippines(I think): Kathy Smith's Matrix Method and Denise Austin's Core Complete videos.

And there are those cases where: you don't have money. you're broke. you had money, but you spent it on something useless. your parents won't let you. your family's in a crisis. the country's in a crisis. the world's ending(kidding) . . and the list goes on and on.

Most of us just learn to shut up and accept the fact that we're just not lucky enough to be rich or spoiled as Paris Hilton. Most of the time, that's how I react. Someday you'll get rich. Dream on. Something like that. But the difference is when you, say, see something - a certain, specific something you've been eyeing for years(okay, days will do). Then you reach out for your wallet and discover - gasp - no more money! Next option: ask your parents. They say no. So you sulk and hope that they'll change their mind. It's been days, they haven't.

And then comes the last resort: steal it. It doesn't matter if you steal some money to buy it or the item itself. Point is, what do you have to lose? You don't do this everyday . . and it's not like you're robbing a bank or something, right? Oh, but think of the consequences. The grief. The guilt.

Today, I was thisclose to actually stealing money from my dad. Don't blame him; he was only doing his job as a good parent by stopping me from buying another you-know-what(do you?). I, of course, was persistent. He got mad. I said sorry. But my hunger for the item didn't go away.

I was actually thinking of asking him for ten ringgit - supposedly to surf the net. But I wouldn't. I'd keep it. I'd do this for four days. And then while he isn't looking when we go to the you-know-what store, I'll buy the item. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?

The difference with today: I've actually always thought of doing that, but I never actually felt brave enough to do it. It would always stay a thought in my head. I was too compassionate(if you give me a better word, I'll replace this one). Today, I was determined to do it. To lie. It wouldn't exactly be stealing, right? It's just going to the internet shop, changing my mind, and..keeping the money. Right?! Wrong.

Good thing my inner Jimminy Cricket(did I spell it right?) woke up and defeated my inner demon. It's bad. It's risky. My dad has bought me a lot of stuff already - an iPod. A digicam. A gorgeous dress. And I would ask him for a Nitendo DS for my birthday. No, it was too much. Stealing - yes, it's stealing - just isn't right, whether or not the person finds out or not. Lady stole 600 precious pesos from me, and I felt sad and stupid. She still doesn't know that I know, but I'll let her learn for herself. I think. Well, you get the point.

Today, I was close to being an amateur criminal. I'm not exaggerating - everyone starts somewhere, right?! But sometimes, you just have to force yourself to do the right thing. It sucks, but it's the right thing. God would probably reward me one day. And look on the bright side: no guilt. For now. Who knows, the thought might enter my mind again.

..kidding.

Yuki