LISTEN . . please? {♥} chainedwonderland v3.0

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 recording ♥

yeah, I've just discovered the joys of DIY recording! it's just like doing graphics, but with sound - the mike is your camera, Audacity is your Photoshop. I've recorded 3 songs so far(with vocals and all that jazz). Nope, I won't be posting them here(bwahahahaha) but they're in Youtube . . if you can find me. Bwahahaha.

Yuki

Sunday, December 21, 2008 rant

crap.
why do I suddenly suck at Wingoball?!
I used to be really good at it.
I mean, so I didn't play it for a few months.
Is that enough to make me SUCK?!?!?!
not just with the newer levels,
but with the OLDER ones too.

putang inaaaaaaaaaaa.
I'm such a crappy LOSER.

oh, and I was also stupid enough to click "Send Score" instead of "Restart Game" when my score was only 126.

Yuki

Friday, December 19, 2008 my letter to Mozilla

I could take it ONCE.
But no, it happened AGAIN.

FIREFOX now officially SUCKS.
it used to be really, really GOOD.
But now, it's as crappy as hell!

I can't even enjoy a good game on Neopets, dammit.
So it's caused by the add-ons?! Well, I used to have MORE add-ons with FF2, how come you never froze?!

FF3 might be as popular as IE now,
but you're just as sucky as IE as well.

Good day to you.
And your goddamn browser.

to users:
if you're stuck on FF2 and are thinking of upgrading,
DON'T.
I wish I could redo the day I decided to go for Firefox 3.
But I can't.
I miss Firefox 2.
It was working perfectly; how could I be so stupid and UPGRADE?!?!
Why wasn't I content with that?
I mean, at least it ran smoothly.
So what if pages loaded 1 second later?
It's one damn second.
It definitely beats having to RESTART the GODDAMN GAME you've been working hard on for 2 hours.

Yuki

Thursday, December 18, 2008 anger management

Why am I such a PERFECTIONIST?
It's the same reason I quit my piano lessons.

. . You see, I get angry really, really easily.
Sometimes, it's because I'm irritated. Other times, it's because things don't work out the way I had hoped they would. But there are times when I'm angry at the world . . because I'm angry at myself.

I understand perfectly that noone's perfect(no pun intended). But I don't think there's anything wrong with trying. We're human and we have limits, but if we exert some effort, we can overcome them. And overcoming these stupid limits to reach your goal makes you amazing, right? Special. Talented. One of a kind.

I'm just not content with being average.

I have big dreams. I don't wanna just become a nurse, or a teacher, or whatever "average" person would become when I grow up. I wanna be a singer. A composer. Artist. Designer. Illustrator. Programmer. I wanna be good at everything. I want people to look up at me and think, "I wanna be just like that girl."

Unfortunately, I wasn't born perfect. My body's naturally pear-shaped. My grades are horrible. I can't play sports. I can't dance. I suck at games. The list goes on and on and on.

Everyone has "limits". But is it possible to overcome them? I mean, if you put your mind to it, you can "do anything", right?

For example: Piano. The last time I had lessons, the teacher would give me the piece, for me to study by myself. Whenever it was lesson time with the teacher, we would only do scales. But the pieces were to be studied by ME and ME ALONE.

So I would spend hours training myself, competing against myself. Of course, I would get mad at myself for being stupid, forgetful . . and not being able to read notes fast. So I pushed myself. Threw some chairs, ripped some books . . At the end of the day, I've learned the piece and can play it from start to finish without flinching. Which is a good thing, right?

. . but does it make getting angry worth it? No, I don't think so. Unless you're an easily-angered perfectionist like me, you wouldn't understand what the anger feels like. It's bottled up inside you, ready to explode any second. It's taking over you. It's all you can think about. At the same time, you have to do what you're supposed to be doing - WELL. So can you imagine trying to cram yourself into perfecting a whole piece while holding your temper inside?

If you can, congrats. If not, let me tell you, it's NOT easy. Sometimes, I throw tantrums. Yes, TANTRUMS. You know, like toddlers? Other times, I jump around, trying to throw the anger off. But anger doesn't come off that easily, especially for me. The only remedy is to be better at what you're doing, be proud of yourself. In short, my anger wouldn't come off until I've perfected the damn piece. Now that I think of it, I can't even imagine how I was able to do it. I don't think I'm still capable of doing it again.

It's unhealthy, and it's self-destructive. Since I'm at home, I could just go over to the kitchen, get the knife and slice myself. No, I was so sick of myself for being that way. I gave up, and quit piano lessons.

Did I do the right thing? I don't really know. Anger controls you, it's not the other way around. It got in the way of my dream of being a pianist; it could get in the way of anything. Like this morning, I was aiming to get this avatar for a game in Neopets. I just wasn't content with my already-pretty-high score, so I kept trying and trying for three hours. My supposed high score of 500-something became 300-something because I wasn't content with 500-something, but I was already tired when I died and got a score of 300-something, so I sent the score.

I don't know what the conclusion should be. I don't know if I did the right thing. But the important thing is, I'm feeling much better now.

Yuki

Wednesday, December 17, 2008 putang ina talaga e

WTF!??!
Firefox 3 is SO crappy.
Firefox 2 might not have as much features as FF3, but at least it doesn't FREEZE RANDOMLY TO RUIN MY NEOPETS GAMEPLAY.
I SWEAR, FIREFOX IS GETTING CRAPPIER AND CRAPPIER.
It's -gulp- becoming like INTERNET EXPLORER.
I think I'LL SWITCH TO CHROME.

Yuki

WE MISSED SIMBANG GABI

. . waaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
but the good news is, Papa bought Puto Bungbong anyway!

Yuki

Tuesday, December 16, 2008 NOOOO

I was thisclose to visiting a contaminated website

By contaminated, I mean a VIRUS-RIDDEN, SPYWARE-INFESTED, AD-LAIDEN WEBSITE.

conclusion: I would officially like to thank the "Stop" button and the slow afternoon internet.

Labels: random

Yuki

thank you, God

I went to the doctor today, and guess what . .

I DON'T HAVE ANEMIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111

and to celebrate, we're planning on going to church(it's Simbang Gabi, after all). Which is honestly a rare occasion for me.

Yeah, I don't go to church.

Now, if you're gonna judge me for that, then do me a favor and get out of my blog. For those of you who are more open-minded, stay put.

Anyway . . Why not, you ask? We sort of don't have time, and we're not that religious. Don't get me wrong - I like Gary V's philosophy - he believes strongly in God but he hates the concept of religion. We also have other ways of showing our faith - by being compassionate and generous, especially to street children. But in any case, not going to church still makes me a bit guilty, so since it's Christmas, I'll go to church. Yes, and sit down there and listen. I have a bit of a tiny attention span, but I'll try my best.

I attended the ISCF Christmas party - and there was a bible study. At the moment, I didn't even realize it was a bible study. I mean, the guy leading it(forgot his name..) wasn't boring at all. I actually enjoyed it. So I signed up for the bible study program thing which starts next year(once a week, I think). One teeny problem - I'm a Catholic, and ISCF is the Christian organization of our school. Now, if you check your encyclopedias, Catholicism actually falls under Christianity. But in modern culture, when you say you're a Christian, you're a Protestant/Eucharist/etc.(in short, not a Catholic) I have no problems with that or with them, and I actually like their mass style better(they actually know each other - and that certainly beats the just-sitting-listening-to-the-priest-and-you-don't-know-each-other style of Catholic churches), but in terms of beliefs, I'm definitely a Catholic(although I have no problems with birth control stuff or gay people). What if they suddenly negatively discuss stuff that Catholics believe in(like Mama Mary)? I doubt they will, but if they do, should I quit? Would that offend them? Yeah. That kind of stuff.

I actually hate religion-related fights. I have nothing against the average Muslim(I made friends with them in Malaysia, and I have two Muslim friends here in the Philippines), but the extremists are just . . stupid. It's like they can't tolerate anyone with different beliefs! I'm also a bit against the discrimination against girls(which also occurs in Confucianism, btw) and the extreme conservativity(is that a word? whatever). But it's their belief, I'll respect that. I guess the only thing I can't accept is the fact that some Muslim countries FORCE everyone to be Muslims. Okay, this isn't exclusively with Muslims. It happens with other religions, too. But why do it? Where's the freedom to CHOOSE?

*I hope I didn't offend anyone. I know, religion is a bit of a risky topic, but it's a free country. And remember, I'M NOT AGAINST ANY RELIGION. It's just the system I'm against. Get it? Good.

Yuki

Sunday, December 14, 2008 ranting time.

okay, I know it's my third post today, but I really, really need to blow off some steam.
I'm so scared of gaining weight.
I mean, why is it that when you lose weight, people really COMPLIMENT and ADORE you..
But when you gain weight, whether for better or worse, they're like . .
"ugh."
I really DO regret what I did when I was in Malaysia.
I won't go into details since I did the WRONG thing.
But now that I'm eating healthy and not overexercising, I'm gaining fat in unwanted places - the lower arms, stomach, and upper thighs, to be exact.
I'm just thankful that they aren't the super obvious areas.
Still, there's no denying that I'm GAINING.
My question is, when the hell will it stop?
I honestly don't wanna go back to how things were like before.
Sometimes, I'm like, 'Just keep doing it. You'll eventually normalize.'
But sometimes, all I can think about is GOING BACK TO MY PAST HABITS.
I mean, it's wrong, but it worked, right?
I always have to convince myself to make decisions for a better FUTURE, not PRESENT.
If I go back to my past habits, then I'm gonna have to battle with it forever.
I'm gonna lose weight, but I'm gonna gain it all back.
I maybe gaining weight now . .
But it's really now or never.

Yuki

go onze!

here's a video of OUR FRIGGIN' BATCH last week at the Powerdance:

note: the video was NOT uploaded by me...and it's missing the super-awesome heartbeat which opened the routine. oh well. aaaanyway..
what can I say . . I'm impressed!
Too bad I wasn't part of it. Dammit.
Believe it or not, the routine was only finalized one day before the performance date. I dunno how they did it, but they did an amazing job!

(and on a random note: my thighs are starting to gain back some of the fat . . darnit. I really need to do strength training or I'm gonna blow up like a balloon.)

Yuki

Saturday, December 13, 2008 it feels like Christmas!

oh yes it does.
It's Christmas, people! The holiday everyone loves!!
I mean, it's getting colder and colder by the second. And this is a tropical country.
We went to SM, and the department store was FILLED WITH PEOPLE. And, of course, there were the annoying remixes of Christmas carols playing.
We bought some gifts(not as much as I usually buy, though. I'm broke!), a Snowman plushie, and some sparkly ball thingies to decorate the tree.
I spent the whole friggin' morning downloading the torrent of the Muppet Christmas Carol for my dad. Boy, does it bring back memories.
But for some reason, as much as the holiday makes me happy, it also makes me feel. .

. . SAD.

Maybe because it was Christmas day 6 years ago that my dad found out my mom was pregnant with a different guy?
Or because of the Christmas 2 years ago where my dad completely ignored me and paid attention to his (now ex-)girlfriend instead?
Or because I still can't accept that Santa Clause isn't real?

There are a bunch of reasons. I don't even wanna think about the others.
I'm going into Scrooge mode.

*shouts angrily to noone in particular*

BUT, guess what makes me happy during the holidays:
GIVING.
No, really!
Last Christmas, my dad bought a family-sized pizza from Pizza Hut.
But because of guilt(calories!) and pity for the kids who had their noses pressed against the store window, he decided to give the remaining slices away.
And by remaining slices, I mean, like, more than half the pizza. (6 slices, I think.)
It's much better to give streetkids food, after all. Yeah, give them money and they'll use it for drugs. Or give it to their "masters"(a.k.a. sindikato).
No, pizza was definitely perfect. The little boy he gave it to even shared the pizza with his friends(or siblings? they didn't really look alike . . ) and they all looked really happy.

That, I think, carries the true meaning of Christmas.
It's more than just bright lights.
Or giant trees.
Or endless presents.

It's generosity that matters.
And I think I'm gonna try that this year!

Yuki

the wonders of soy.

okay, okay. I know it's weird, but I find tofu really, really cute.
No, actually, it went like this: we went to SM to buy Christmas gifts. I got hungry, and the first thing I saw was the Soy thingy stand where they were selling fresh, hot Taho. You know, taho? The Filipino comfort food made with some sort of soft white soy, sweet syrup, and sago? Yeah, taho! I've been craving for it for some days now. I mean, can you imagine the sweetness of the syrup, how it blends with the soy, and how the sago just blends right in? Yeah.

And it's quite healthy, too - it's soy, after all. The syrup is really sugary, though. But hey, I can eat anything - as long as it's in moderation. Imagine me indulging. Yuuuuuuuuuuum.

Anyway, the Taho gave me what I'd like to call a 'Soy rush' - we went to Healthy Options and I got Soy Milk and Soy Crackers(which I gobbled up the moment I got home) - and they were goooooooood. Aside from fruit and yogurt, soy has to be the greatest creation on earth!

Yuki

Friday, December 12, 2008 vegetarian?

Last Thursday was the ACLE day of the UPIS week. I don't usually participate in UPIS week activities, but I found out Ma'am Rhea would be teaching Animal Rights. So I signed up pronto(and dragged Macky, Pertut, and Nox with me).

Modesty aside, I'm quite compassionate - especially when it comes to animals. No fur, leather, or wool for me(although I have an angora coat - but it's secondhand!) - and I'm against animal cruelty and stuff. But being a vegetarian has never really crossed my mind. I mean, I don't eat pork or beef, but chicken and fish are part of my "favorite food" list. And other animals do it too, right?

So I was a little . . disappointed when Ma'am Rhea started talking about vegetarianism - heck, she's a vegan(aside from not eating meat, she doesn't eat any dairy products, eggs, honey . . anything from animals)! She even started showing clips of pigs, cows, and chickens in the, er, factory farm thingies. Not a pretty sight. I actually cried - they were cramming the pigs in cages and kicking the cows. My god, they were that cruel! I had to close my eyes for the chicken part because I was already crying like an idiot.

I guess it's a food chain thing, but I wish they had more human ways of killing. And I now pity the pigs, cows, and chickens - it's almost like saying, they are born to be eaten. Which is sad. What I'm more against is the factory farming part(rather than the "eating dead bodies" part, since it's the balance of nature - lions eat other animals, too). My dad won't allow me to go veg yet - not only because of iron deficiency but because he says I'm "growing"(yada yada yada) . . but I think I'll go veg when I turn 18. For now, I'll avoid chicken as much as possible(but still eat if I have to), turn to fish(do fish go into factory farms? I dunno), tofu, and veggies.

(and as a plus, Ma'am Rhea and Kuya Anjo[?did I spell it right?] said they lost weight when they became vegetarian/vegan. I could use it for maintenance!)

oh, and random: I'm thinking of making a layout for this crappy blog. I just can't come up with any ideas . . grrrrrr.

Yuki

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 review!

I haven't done this in ages..but I miss doing it. So I'm gonna [publicly] review a song!
So anyway . . Hisayo Inamori is a 16-year-old model for the ~~very slutty~~ kogal magazine, Cawaii. If you look at her pictures or read Cawaii, I'm sure you'll agree she doesn't look like she's sixteen. My first impression was that she's like some sort of Paris Hilton wannabe. But I don't stick to my judgements, so I decided to listen to her debut single, GIRLS STYLE.

What can I say? I'm a bit impressed. Not with her voice, which is actually quite cutesy and decent but not excellent, but with the song. Why? Because I was expecting a Rina Aiuchi-type of bubblegum dance crap song(cheap much?). Nope, the song itself is a unique blend of electronica, jazz, pop, RnB, and . . I can't really describe what it sounds like. It took a while for me to appreciate(and understand) the melody, but after a while, it just grew on me. I like the arrangement - there are, of course, what I like to call the "calm" techno elements(as in, not as agressive as the crap techno you hear in clubs) also known as electronica(I think), violins, and it all just blends into a light, happy song. It's a must-try! The video is posted below(although I don't think it matches the song in any way..)

see what I mean?! The video is just . . crap. Yeah. And Hisayo's voice is quite squeaky at first, but by the pre-chorus/refrain/whatever you call it, it does actually get decent.

Still, the song made it to my "repeat" list(as in, songs I wouldn't mind playing over and over again). Liked it? [DOWNLOAD]

Yuki

Sunday, December 7, 2008 regret.

Sometimes, I wish I never did it.
But I did.
As of now, lots of people are wishing they were like me.
Some of the people were the ones who used to ignore me.

What they don't know is, I did it the wrong way.

And now I'm suffering the consequences.

..stuff I never used to see are showing up.
And I think I'm gaining it all back - I'm even gaining what was never there.

And my uncle, who somehow found out about it, just told me:
"It can't happen overnight. Look at Seri. She did it the healthy way and she's now permanently fit."
[sarcasm mode] thanks a lot. I had no idea. [/sarcasm]

So this thing won't last.
And I'll go back to the way I was in a while.

Please, people.
DON'T EVER LET BODY IMAGE ISSUES GET YOU.
Because it blinded me; it got me to resort to the wrong way rather than the right way.

Yuki